The Day God Opened My Eyes

 

~Reposted from 2010~

When we moved to the farm six years ago, I wanted to bring our wooden play structure with us. Husby said "no way", and I translated that into..."we'll just get a new one, I guess". I'm not the only one that makes those giant LEAPS of assumption, am I? Fast forward six years, and there is still no play structure, though there are three more little ones. I still think it would be very valuable.

Since I'm not technically saavy, I can't scan a photo of Josh and Jenna swinging on the swingset when they were 2 1/2. So imagine two little blonde-haired cutie pies swinging back and forth with all the energy they have, and I'll tell you a little story about the day GOD OPENED MY EYES.

From the kitchen of our little Craftsman style home in the village, I could look out to the backyard and see the swingset. While I did the dishes that sunny summer day, my very well-behaved, obedient twins were swinging merrily and, no doubt, singing hymns. They were trained to first-time obedience, had impeccable manners, and I was quite proud of the progress I was making with them. So far, parenting was working out fairly well, and I was certain that my methods of control were paying off. Not only did they need to use "please" and "thank you", but I did not allow disrespect or rude speech like "hate", "fat", "shut-up" and grossities like "poop". We instead, used formal and appropriate terms such as "B M". Bowel Movement...I know, laugh at me, but that's what it is.

I was enjoying the sweet sounds and cheery little voices...I was loving mothering.

Hmmm, what hymn are they singing?

And then my parenting world was shaken. With all their might, Josh and Jenna were swinging to the heights saying "Poopy, poopy, poopy!" And back again,"Poopy, poopy, poopy!!!!" And again...and again...and again.

Can you believe it??? They had no idea I could hear them, and that's the day God opened my eyes and began the GREAT CHANGE in my parenting. Now, I'm the first to admit that I am far from wise regarding this whole idea of parenting, and the more children I have, the less wisdom I seem to have. But on that day I began to see that all my efforts were sincerely and earnestly aimed at their OUTWARD BEHAVIOR, not their HEART.

I know there are multiple authors who have dealt with this issue, so I don't need to delve too deeply here, but suffice it to say that the Lord used that little incident to get my attention and show me the need to minister and disciple my children to love the Lord, not simply follow a set of rules and laws.

The twins and I love this story, it makes us laugh. We laugh at their naughtiness, we laugh at my legalism-doesn't-work approach to parenting, and we laugh at ourselves. But I also love the humor God used to open my eyes to a better way. HIS way of reaching the heart of His precious children.

Who Is Teaching My Children???

*Reposted from April, 2010*

Unintentionally, I've taken a small sabbatical from blogging. It has felt like college days all over again...remembering that feeling of back-to-back exams during finals week, and just believing that "if I can get through this week..." I can return to some normalcy.

But guess what? I did make it through last week, and "normalcy" doesn't exist. After having my family up for Easter, then preparing for my sister's baby shower last week, I am scrambling to get caught up (will that ever happen???) with the house, paperwork, laundry, decluttering, spring cleaning, changing clothes from winter season to spring...piles and piles and PiLeS of clothes. Progress can be a bit elusive, but there is some good news... giant stacks of clothing are leaving this house and never coming back!

 ...the farm is busier than ever now that nine little Wilber's have arrived. Some one of us will soon have pictures up of their arrival, and the three little girls right in the middle of the hog pen taking charge and making friends.

Remember the snake habitat? This was the day of capture, and brave little Natalie in charge of transport. For those animal rights people out there, yes, they were set free after a delightful time of education into the life of humans. We don't do much with formal "lab" studies in our science time (OK, None), so I free myself of guilt and instead embrace the hands on approach! My children are naturally curious and don't seem to be afraid of spiders, snakes, placentas...you name it, they are willing to try it! But again, progress can be difficult to measure...and stepping outside the "norm" sometimes requires our schedule to be flexible...and flexible can sometimes make us uncomfortable...

Little Running Squash is LoViNg the outdoors and wants to keep up with the others. I'm not teaching her a foreign language, she doesn't know her alphabet, and she isn't a fan of vegetables, but she's happy, energetic, and loves her family. She can put toys away, pet a hog, and sing any song you sing, so why get bogged down in early pre-school education? :)

I'm still trying to get a weekly menu together (don't give up on me, Renee), rooms remain slightly unorganized, I'm not sure if my dining room will ever get painted, my sewing pile is taller than me, I haven't been able to do that "early to rise" part of life yet, and our daily schedule needs a major overhaul, BUT,

"All my children shall be taught by the Lord,

And great shall be the peace of my children.

In righteousness I shall be established;

I shall be far from oppression, for I shall not fear;

And from terror, for it shall not come near me."
Isaiah 54:13-14

So, dear friends, if any of you are feeling just slightly behind in your homeschooling due to being a momma of many, or perhaps you have the amazing miracle of life in your womb or in your arms, or illness has you down, maybe your domestic responsibilities threaten to overwhelm, or you are facing personal or financial loss, some may be burdened by moral failure...this is my comfort:

...That no matter how weak and incapable I am feeling, my children are ultimately being taught by the Lord. Could there ever be a better teacher??? Even at my best, I will always choose to defer to HIS educational plan, knowing that it is far superior to anything I could accomplish. Remember that He gave us these precious children, and He loves them dearly! He won't abandon us as we fulfill our responsibilities!

How about resting in this promise? **sigh of relief**

Enjoy your week~

Kathy

A Momma's Goal...

...ought to include working ourselves out of a job. Mostly. And I think I'm well on my way! Problem is, I don't know that I feel too happy about that, especially when I consider that I don't necessarily want to be without a job. Today the kitchen was decluttered to an immaculate state, dinner made, a quadruple batch of blueberry muffins made and shared, dirty diapers changed, barn stalls cleaned, barn walls repaired...and perhaps more...

...all while I was out with my very younger sister helping her try on her wedding dress, finalize the menu plans and site arrangements, eat a delicious lunch, and find a very meaningful memento for Little One.

Funny how a  noble goal can leave one feeling...well...not very needed.


I'm going to pull a Scarlet O'Hara and think about that tomorrow. For tonight, I'm just going to enjoy my incredibly clean kitchen :)

When Pink Is PINK and We Give Thanks...

It was at the college Bible study when I thought God said eight. Ok, perhaps it wasn't God, but I do remember thinking eight would be a great number of children. I had just recently become a Christian, and for the first time ever, I was surrounded by people that loved the Lord, not a man. Introductions into the world of Biblical womanhood, being a Godly wife, loving and educating  children (and lots of them), demonstrating modesty and femininity, eating healthy...these topics and many more were changing the way I was thinking.

Saved by grace, but now traveling the long journey from brokenness and rejection, I had no idea there was more carnage up ahead. Through selfishness, sin, infertility and a marriage on the edge of failure, He spoke Hope.

"I will restore to you the years the locust have eaten...And ye shall eat in plenty and be satisfied, and praise the name of the Lord your God, that hath dealt wondrously with you..."            Joel 2:25,26

One miracle at a time (with the exception of the twins!) God gave us eight babies! God has blessed us over and over again in many ways, and it is true that He has restored the years the locust have eaten. We eat in plenty and are satisfied, and we are again praising the name of the Lord our God, who had dealt wondrously with us...He has blessed us with another little one.

The farm is growing again...which makes me wonder about "eight"...

It was just yesterday that she said "Would you just...shut up, mom?"


And I was back some 30 or 40 years reliving the pain of that sort of disrespect, that uncontrolled expression which would result in so much anger and discipline. All of my rebellion was interpreted as a personal affront toward my authority...but it wasn't really him. Behind all the attitude was deep pain, rejection, and the inability to please those who I deeply desired to please. I was a failure in so many ways...

And I felt her pain, and failures, and a brief window into her struggles for success and acceptance...

"God, who is rich in mercy..." poured out His grace in that moment, and there was no anger, only His grace flowing from me to the hurt one standing with me. While I wish that in that moment God Himself would have brought that one lost sheep home, I am trusting that more seeds were sown, more soil was cultivated, perhaps some little breath of life gently moving over the embers of her heart. 

 
Sentencing her to "hard labor" (a.k.a. extra chores) gave time to think and move in the direction of repentance, and so I'll take that, just one small step. As for me, I rejoice in that moment of grace.

Serve Tuscaloosa 2011

It finally came, that phone call shattering the late night silence. His voice is there, and strong, but too far away for this momma. I bend to the required release of a mother to her almost-adult-son, but I'm going on record to say... I just don't like this.  It's only a week in Alabama to serve those suffering from the tornado, but it's a week of preparation for me of what lies ahead. Going to serve is good, and we are all thankful for the opportunity, (isn't this what we pray for??) but I'm wracking my tired brain to figure out some way to turn back the clock...

A couple weeks ago a dear blogger friend Kyrie, wrote about her favorite bloggers. Among many, she mentioned my childrens blogs and mine. What an honor to know that my life can bless others. But the reason?
Because I'm so imperfect. 

Oh my...it shows??? 

 

I make a genuine effort to be real and transparent, to value relationship and character over the accolades of the world, to pursue the hearts of my children more than my own goals...but I fail all the time. All the time. That imperfection that Kyrie appreciates has been keeping me from posting...the deafening accusation from the wicked one that what I do and who I am  just isn't good enough for the position of wife, momma and keeper of the home. I've been believing the lie that all our imperfections are more than my Savior can handle and there is no way that we'll come out of this as a family bearing the image of YHWY Himself.

"The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish tears it down with her own hands."  Proverbs 14:1

 

And while I do honestly have some tweaking to do on the home front, I want to be that wise woman who builds her house. I'm praying to know grace. To shower it on my husband and children and in my home...to really know grace. 

Thank you for all of your prayers following my shoulder surgery. I'm on the road to recovery!

Farmhouse Giveaway!

Once you've been diagnosed with infertility and treated as such, it's difficult to view oneself as being a mother of many. In fact, even after four children, I still described myself as "infertile" when retelling the story of God's hand of blessing in our family. Eight children later and menopause looming on the horizon, I guess infertile doesn't really describe me anymore...unprepared is more accurate!

In a never-ending search to be taught how to mother and manage (because God isn't finished with me yet), I have found many practical and helpful tips throughout this book. When it came in the mail, I thought the size was odd. Joshua gently pointed out the "encyclopedia/resource" sort of feel to it..."something you'll want to reference".

"Oh...that is so wise..."

So with a big thanks to Vision Forum, this very useful resource is the next farmhouse giveaway! Entering is easy...
1....just pass on to all my followers an organizing/home management tip that has changed your life! Although only one person can be the winner of the book, we can all benefit from our collective tips.
2....post about this giveaway for an additional five entries! (Make sure to let me know!)

Can't wait to hear from you...the winner will be chosen Sunday night!

A Quiet And Peaceable Life

A very practical thing to be thankful for here on the farm...firewood. It is absolutely FREEZING tonight, and I'm so thankful for all the hard work that went into splitting and stacking our "heat" last summer. While I don't have any kiddos that love this particular summer chore, we are all very glad now.

"...that we may lead a quiet and peaceable life in all godliness and reverence."    1Timothy 2:2

There is a certain desperate chaos lurking around every farmhouse corner but my heart is for the beauty of that quiet and peaceable life. I am amazed at how quickly the month of December filled up with all manner of nothingness, but I'm feeling the distinct pull of being purposeful and deliberate with our life.

One of my friends has asked me about schooling the littles, and I just don't push them with heavy preschool/kindergarten curriculum. I can tell them that policemen are our friends...that God has ordained them for our protection...and that pretty much sums up social studies, right? I'm being a bit facetious, but it really doesn't require sitting on a rug in a circle, or at a desk. It's just talking along the way...it's looking for meaningful opportunities such as copying a scripture verse. I dot the letters, my five year old traces over them. She wants to practice her letters. Both she and her four year old sister ask for schoolwork, so we spend time

"with our school"  but there's no pressure to push through a curriculum. We're working on learning our letter sounds, and after having the experience of teaching five children to read (all at different ages) I know she'll learn at the pace that God designed for her. No stress for her, no stress for me.

 Which brings me back to living that quiet and peaceable life. Every mother wonders how we went from this twirling duo, (who knew they'd be doing this same thing down the center of the barn twelve years later???)...

...to this. Life is exciting, busy and our world is getting much larger. So when I feel the rising pressure, I have to reground myself in what is really important...that knowing Jesus as Lord is the most necessary accomplishment in life, that living a quiet and peaceable life centered on Christ is essential, and that the education of our children must not only reflect this, but all too soon, the "growing season" is coming to completion. So we master academics but lose their soul...will our years have been well spent?

Today I got overly frustrated (nicely put) when one middle child had an attitude about area and perimeter. I missed my moment of the gentle art of learning. Instead I traded that for apologies and hugs a bit later, and the truth is, next year at this time we will have mastered it and moved way beyond. It just wasn't worth it.

 A rather long-winded answer to the question, but this little face gives me hope to repair my mistakes quickly and try to stay focused on the present joys of loving all my kiddos, delighting in our lifestyle of learning, and striving to live that quiet and peaceable life.

"I don't want to be sixteen, mommy. Actually, I don't want to be four. I just want to stay this size."
"Me too, sweetie."

What to do about the impending birthday next week, when she actually will turn four? Ugh. Knowing I cannot postpone the inevitable, I find myself trying to imprint my mind and heart with memories of tender sayings, humorous thoughts, funny enunciations that only a toothless three year old can pronounce...

...I'm so thankful for pictures! Here at the farm is one of the world's worst photojournalists, but I managed to capture a certain essence in the personalities of my five year old and three year old. While we did our shoot, one smiled patiently and faithfully...

...the other was one burst of gleeful giggles after another. So theatrical! Have I ever told you how she came to have no front teeth? At fifteen months old (still a baby!), she fell backwards out of a chair and her front teeth SHOT out of her mouth, root and all. There was blood everywhere, and after that, a toothless grin. I'll miss that someday.

One little piece of photo artistry I recently learned:catchlights. Notice the reflected light in the eyes here...

...and here. And by the way, this is just about the yummiest little one in the world (ok, to me).

Did you spend time with your little ones today? Did you talk to your older children about what matters to them? Did you mention that their Heavenly Father LOVES them? I want my days to count with my children, our lives together to be purposeful, and perhaps the memories will remain more vivid. 

Some Thoughts on Raising Sons...From Fear To Free...and a Hot Dog

What is a momma to do when her little boy is no longer a little boy...when that little energetic toddler turns into a young man ...when, independent of that adoring momma, he's quite good at something he loves?

She turns some of that nurturing into good old-fashioned boastin' on her boy! Now, with all due propriety and modesty of course, instead of doting on him or restraining his emerging manho*d, heap on the praise! Let your little man know just how proud you are of his work... let him know how amazing his talent is...tell him he is essential to the success of the team...make sure he knows how SWEET his play at the plate was (has anyone ever seen that before in Little League???  

Make sure he knows that OF COURSE, when he is drafted by the Tigers as their next greatest catcher, OF COURSE you'll be at every game eating a ball park hot dog...cheering him on to another victory.

Giveaway at While I'm Waiting!

I have made a great many mistakes as a parent, and I'm sure there are more to come. One of my earlier mistakes was with guns. I know there is an entire subculture out there who, like myself, eschewed the very touching or handling of any weapon whatsoever. Wickedness, wickedness, wickedness. My son would be different, and we would start with the effective removal of anything that resembled guns.

And then a banana was a gun. One day a quite-perfectly-shaped stick was a gun. And "why?" I would ask, does he even consider constructing a gun out of his interlocking toys??? There had to be an answer and I was certain to find it. I need to confess here, that one place I knew was NOT the answer was my husband. Enter...

VisionForumMinistries

This is not an advertisement for the ministry, although we have been tremendously blessed by it in many ways. I simply give credit here to the place God directed me to (since I wasn't listening to or respecting my husband) which began to bring about great change in my heart. I not only began to understand boys and young men a little better, but I began to acknowledge the wisdom and understanding that God had equipped my husband with, especially in matters as they relate to raising sons. Remember my first sentence about making many mistakes...and I still continued, but change was happening, and God was at work.

Guns and boys together no longer frightened me, and I began to have a vision for "courageous boyhood". But I needed more. Recently, Josh and I read WILD AT HEART by John Eldridge. While I haven't completed the book, it didn't take me long before I was asking for forgiveness. This is a fantastic read for young men, dads, moms, and I even would like my daughters to read it when marriage is near.

The good news: Josh is hosting a giveaway for this book! Head over to his blog, read a review, Josh's opinion, and enter if you'd like. I think you'll be blessed.

My Greatest Gift Ever...

I remember so vividly the many Mother's Days that I sat with empty arms listening to yet another message on the gift of motherhood, while I wept silently inside fearing I would never be a mother. I would never know the awesome experience of carrying a baby inside my womb and feeling the kicks, the twirling, the little life moving about, hearing the steady heartbeat on the monitor...I would never know the extreme joy of bringing forth life, of that first sticky moment when baby was placed upon me...the sleepless nights, all the firsts of development and growth, the giggles and tears, the squishy fat rolls, the delicious smell of a nursing baby, that voice calling "momma!", the questions and conversations, the hugs, those shared moments of youth and young adulthood...

...I grieved over what I thought I would never know.

But God, who is rich in mercy...showed Himself strong on our behalf and saw fit to bless us with eight beautiful children! We have trusted God with the fruit of our womb, and He has blessed us beyond measure.

But the greatest gift, by far, is when one of my children decides that they love God because of who God is. Not because of what I have said or done, not because of a special training technique or book, and even in spite of multiple mistakes and sins on my part.

When my child falls in love with Jesus, that is my greatest Mother's Day gift...ever.

Momma Thoughts and Wishes

What could be more encouraging to a three year old, than the freedom and opportunity to BAKE? There was a day when my goal was to avoid as much as possible, those things or activities that created extra work for me. When the twins were not quite two, my sister asked me if I would EVER let them splash in a mud puddle. If you think that is silly, let me confess (again) that I actually had to make myself allow them to play in the mud. And you know the rest of the story...they had fun, I brought them in and cleaned them up, and eventually God was able to change my heart toward the PURPOSE of parenting.

But it hasn't been quick or easy. More confessions include not letting Jenna play with her Vision Forum doll because I didn't want her hair messed up! Remember, neat and tidy, perfect home, perfect children...

Early training also included not allowing the twins to cross the threshhold into the kitchen. They were so well trained, but YIKES! Can you imagine how much relationship and fellowship I missed because I was so focused on the mechanics of parenting, and not the ministry of parenting?

There is so much regret, but on a positive note, nothing is impossible with God! Though far from perfect, and still wishing I could get on top of an organized life, there is progress. I now look for opportunity to involve my children in as many activities as possible. It is not efficient or expedient, but it is training, it is fellowship, it is equipping them for the future!

We are a family that samples the work of our hands! I know self- control is a virtue and needs to be taught, but there are plenty of opportunuties for that!

In the name of training, I had my four year olds washing floors. Now the concept is great, and I still give opportunity for the three and five year old to wash windows and floors (they love it), but discipling them and coming along beside them is so much the better way...not just instructing and inspecting! How easily we forget that they are relatively new to this big place called earth. Really, they don't even notice that their boots don't match...

...and what about the giant leap of dexterity and success when a button can be buttoned??? They are so young and tender, and I wish I was better prepared emotionally to LOVE my children, not just love my children...to enjoy them being little ones, not trying to make them into minature adults...

But here is living proof, though my mistakes are many, there is laughter and love today, even if Jenna never was allowed to play with her doll...

Humbly exposing my mistakes~

Kathy

Thoughts From a Tired Momma

This is quick tonight, then I'm off to bed. Yet again we are fighting a virus that I'm beginning to wonder if it's H1N1. I don't really know, but some reading I've done indicates it lasts for months and can travel from system to system. That would describe our winter: a three week cycle of illness (x 10 people) which is equal to a momma totally wiped out.

On the surface the day seems wasted, but even as I struggle to meet needs, I guess there is opportunity to serve with a sweet spirit (very fragile, I might add), or get grumpy and irritable. I was thankful for the Holy Spirit keeping my focus on serving sweetly, though I felt myself slipping as the requests and voices continued with a distinct repetition and my head pounded incessantly. So there! Every day, every situation is an opportunity to live in grace and show the love of Jesus!

Desperate for relief, I found a recipe for SORE THROAT SPRAY. I made a small bottle and will see how effective it is.

SORE THROAT SPRAY

Mix approximately equal parts of warm water, raw Apple Cider Vinegar (with the mother) and honey to sweeten. There's no science with measuring, though the first attempt brought tears to my eyes! With a little more water and honey, all three littles were clamoring for some of the "spicey" spray!

By biggest problem was finding a little spray bottle! What I have is okay, but I thought it might be nice to have a few bottles available. Maybe each person should have their own??

Blessings and prayers for all my new friends~

Kathy

PMS-IS-BAD

It's been a tough week. No significant accomplishments, but plenty of defeats. Amidst all the busyness of our life here on the farm, I don't seem to advance much, and usually we move fairly peacefully from one day to the next. But surely you know what I mean when I say that sometimes...just sometimes, the chaos, and mess, and all that remains undone, and that which weighs so heavily, and the emotional needs that are relentless, and woundedness that remained unhealed (and on and on) and it all just escalates...and you lose it.

...I had a day like that. And since details are either boring or too graphic, let's just say it ended with me ~ AGAIN ~ having to humble myself and ask for forgiveness. I hate that part! Not the asking of forgiveness, but that I have said something, or done something, that has caused pain and hurt to someone I love. How I wish I could go back and re-do those moments! I so need to learn the virtue of SELF-CONTROL! I wish I could audibly hear the voice of the Holy Spirit:

"Kathy! STEP AWAY FROM YOUR MOUTH!!!!"

Of course, I would have to obey, and do exactly that. Close the yap.

I feel like my children are going to exhaust their "seventy times seven" times that they need to forgive, all on me! Okay, I know that's grossly out of context, but most of you know what I mean.

Wouldn't it be nice to just post easy, five-ingredient recipes?

I Was Checking My Mental List...

...and I didn't accomplish anything today! Of course, that screams "Really? Are you sure?" Okay, perhaps it's better said that the Holy Spirit asked me those questions in the still, small voice that characterizes our God, and when re-evaluated I decided that many things were accomplished.

~Bible time was spent together this morning

~Words of encouragement were spoken

~Reminders of the truth in scripture were repeated

~Love was demonstrated

~Acts of service were done

~Admonishment was given

~Laughter was shared

~Playtime in the snow was fun with eachother

~Relationships were invested in

~Songs of praise were sung and enjoyed

• 
  

I realized again, that I am so blessed and privileged to be together with my children all day long... to be a part of the great journey of their life...to witness in the growth and development of their character. To be a mother. To be their mother.

So what if my "projects" didn't advance today. Maybe there will be time tomorrow.

What did you do today that made your role worthwhile? Be deliberate as you reflect on that good thing that did get done and thank the Lord. It has far more value than any project will ever have.

Bribery on the Farm...

Finally, we are on the mend! It's been over a week of "the sick-a-ness" on the farm, and it has left us wiped out! One of the challenges I struggle with, is meeting the needs of the children to the point where sometimes that is all that gets accomplished. This is the part of mothering that requires sacrifice, perspective, and God-given strength. Doesn't it seem that in the midst of illness, we move into "survival mode"? That's what I've been in!! Is there any way to get MORE ARMS?

Little Running Squash wants me all the time. She's happiest in my arms, nursing, and sleeping beside me. I try to "wear" her in the Ergo, which is helpful, and I'm re-thinking other parenting approaches...but more on that later.

Have you ever bribed your children? Surely others have stooped so low...When I was using this amazing reward system I reaped benefits I now get to enjoy frequently. My favorite, came again today when I needed it most:

"I will never leave you from the farm!"

"Oh Natalie, I love you!"

"Well, if I do leave, I'll go with you. Maybe to get chicken food, or dog food..."

"And we can wear our aprons together..."

"If you tie my apron, mommy, I'll tie yours."

Okay. There's that strength to keep on giving, and meeting needs, and nurturing even when it feels like there is nothing left give.