Are we part of yet another "movement"? Here we are on the farm, homeschooling, homesteading (what is that, really?), baking our own bread, raising our own meat, trying to garden, drinking our own fresh milk, eating farm-fresh eggs and butter, sewing, thrifting, making laundry soap and hand-crafted soap, pegging our laundry (isn't that the cutest? I borrowed it from a children's old-fashioned board book) and yet-to-be-done herbs and raw foods.
For what purpose??? While I love the idea of simplicity and health, even good stewardship and economy, here is my question to you, my faithful readers, if you feel inclined to share your thoughts...what will best train my daughters for marriage? Is candlemaking and spinning wool really helpful in 21 st century America?
It's a silly question in some ways, yet important in others. Tonight I'm tired and goofy at the computer, but still think I'd like to hear your thoughts on practical ways to prepare our daughters to be keepers at home. If you have godly young men in your home, can you tell us if they actually care about/value these practical life skills? And if there are any guys out there who would care to comment, I'd love to hear what you have to say!
DISCLAIMER: No, I'm not looking for mates for my daughters (not yet...)
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Looking forward to your thoughts, and, goodnight!
28 comments:
My mother taught me many excellent skills for homemaking, but what she either failed to teach or I didn't seem to learn was how to put it all together. Yes, I learned to cook, do laundry, sew, and clean bathrooms, but how do you get it all done? How do you make sure there are menus planned, the right groceries to be able to prepare those meals, the home comfortable and tidy, and the children busy about their school or chores? It's the management side of things that I didn't learn and am still trying to figure out (after almost 19 years of marriage). Teach them the skills that will help them make the absolute best use of their husband's income, but also teach them how to juggle it all.
Teach them to be lovers of the Word. Obviously, they learn this through the family devotions and being directly taught from Mom and Dad, but I think even more important is for them to see that it's a priority of yours. Instruction needs to come from the Word, not merely from your role as mother.
One last thing, which I think you're doing well at anyway, teach them computer skills. They have to be able to be comfortable using a computer and able to learn all the new skills that come up as technology advances at breakneck speeds.
Okay, those are my thoughts. Hope those help somewhat.
Liz in CA
I am the mother of an only son.We live much the same way you do. I so hope that he finds a young woman one day that has been raised with the same faith and love of simple life as your daughters.
Kathy, first, is that your home in your header? Adorable! We live in an old farmhouse too.... *love* it!
Second... Really good question. I'm getting ready to leave for church, but I'm going to be thinking about that and I'll be back later with an answer/opinion! LOL! very thought-provoking!
~susan
Liz...THANK YOU! You have inspired the addendum!
Melodie...Thank you for the encouragement; I think there are going to be MANY dear young women waiting for godly young men!
Susan...yes, that is our home! Built circa 1859, I always try to imagine the owners building this when Pa and Ma Ingalls were setting up housekeeping in the big woods of Wisconsin! Looking forward to your thoughts.
Kathy, good questions, ones I grapple with often. Off the top of my head . .
I do agree the basic homemaking skills AND the management side of it, but all the best laid plans and organizational skills come to naught should the Lord choose to strip all those skills away from you. In which case, you had better know how to lean, trust, and rest in your God! How to not crumble when you cannot keep all your plates spinning! Yes, it is important to teach 'plate spinning', but how to handle life when the plates come crashing down, this lesson is one that has escaped this mama, and one I am learning at 43.
Praying for your families health. Have a blessed week, Kathy, find your strength in Him, His grace is sufficient.
I am a mother to 4 boys and 1 girl. I would wonder, can we decide for our daughters what kind of man they will marry? Will their husband be a city man, always up on the latest styles? Will our daughters marry a farmer? Business man? Missionary? There is no way we can know.
So I teach my children in the direction that my husband has decided for our life. If nothing else, I figure that it will teach my daughter to follow her husband's lead in her life.
I love teaching her to knit and bake. She knows how to clean each room of the house, and take care of sweet babies. She can play rough with the boys and take it all in stride. She knows how to shop and keep a budget.
I just figure that the most important things in life we can give our daughters is a knowledge of the word of God, and a life knowing that God put her here to be the crowning glory to the man whom she marries.
My husband regularly talks to her about the man she will marry. Will she want to be a farmer's wife? If so, than this is what a picture of her days will be like. He asks her what her dreams are and explains the importance of looking for those certain qualities in a man.
There's my $.02 for what it's worth. I hope I haven't rambled on.
~Heidi
BTW- I simply LOVE your house and I want a black door just like the one you painted.... I envy your farm life. =)
Kathy, We have nine boys and three girls ~ 21-3 years old. We have taught our daughters many of the skills you mentioned. I *do* think that those skills are valuable, and not only for the sake of the skills themselves, but for the character that is developed as they learn them.
One of the main character issues that all young people deal with is being self-centered. When my girls learn to sew, to cook, etc, etc.... they are learning to serve others... to *love*.
What's the alternative? TV, texting, the sullen look that so often accompanies the teen years. When Titus talks about "being busy at home," I don't think texting and watching TV are quite what he had in mind! LOL!
My daughters might not (although I think they will!) use the actual skills that they learn in their growing up years, but they for sure will find many opportunities to be others-centered; serving their husband, children and neighbors in a myriad of ways.
In addition, the confidence gained from mastering new skills carries over to other areas of life. I can do many practical "homesteading" type things now... because I have tried so many things (and failed at times too!). But I'm willing to try most any skill *once*! How wonderful for our daughter's future husbands if they can come alongside their husbands and try new things without fear to help him, save $, and lighten his workload as well.
I'm feeling a blog post comin' on!
This is a good topic! I'm looking forward to seeing what everyone else has to say!
~susan
Kathy~
It is so worth it. As tired as we Mommas get~one day it will be worth it all.
This world is not our home~we are just passing through.We only get this one chance to train our children to love God with their whole hearts!
I hope you all get to feeling better soon!
I'm amazed at your question as just last night as Kyle and I crawled in bed beside one another I said, "Do you ever wonder if MaKayla will find a Godly man who will love her, lead her and nurture her in the ways of the Lord?" It prompted a very good discussion...Her daddy admitted that it is something in which he prays about daily...for her and for Mallary. MaKayla will soon be 16 so I think about this often and wonder...
If we've taught her nothing more, the one thing I want her to carry with her is that God is her Creator and Lord and as she trusts in Him, He will guide her path every step of the way. I can teach her all there is to know about being a wife and a mom but if I fail to teach her to live the truth that Jesus is Lord of her life, I've failed at it all. I desire for both of our girls to start the new seasons of their lives, whenever that may be, with a deep seeded faith in the One who works ALL things for their good. I desire for their foundations to be strong in Him...Building on that, I am teaching them to love their daddy so that they will know how to love their husbands...to see me loving them so that they will know how to love their children...to be a nurturer, encourager, friend and caretaker...to be modest, trustworthy and faithful! It's all about living it out in my own life so that they will *SEE* how to live it out in their own.
I often have to remind myself to REST in the promise that God has someone amazingly wonderful for both of my girls...REST and TRUST!
Blessings~
Mendi
I guess one of the most important advice I could give to you my dear friend, is that your daughters be lovers of the Word. That they learn to discern from the flashy to the real treasure underneath the man.
To surrender completely to God's will eventhough it is rough to be different.
There is nothing wrong to teach your daughters everything that is required to keep the home.
I wasn't taught that, and I suffered quite a bit because of it.
But again I come to my first thought, they need to want to follow the Lord, not because you do or your husband, but because they have realized that He is the Way!
I am a mother of two sons, as you know and my little girl will never marry, but I have focused on teaching my sons the value of loving a wife that is devoted to the Lord completely, and by being this way, she would in turn love her husband, her children, her home with the same fervor.
The pictures are just lovely :)
Blessings,
Maria
We too teach our daughters all the things that you have mentioned. They know how to 'run' a household by doing things like laundry, baking, cooking, changing diapers and the likes.
But you bring up a very important point. Are these things enough to equip our daughters for marriage. There is so much more to marriage than clean clothes and good healthy food. And so we need to make sure that we are not doing all the training on the outside all the while forgetting about the inside, the heart.
Teaching our daughters things like how to react the right way to a whiny two year old, how to have a godly response to their daddy when he asks them to do something that they might not be too keen about, how to know in their heart that God is in control of the circumstances that come their way in life and to be able to rest in that, to have a firm foundation that does not crumble when the storms of life come around, to excersise the fruits of the Spirit even when their flesh doesn't feel like it.....the things of these nature are what are really going to prepare our children for the future, whatever God has for them.
Thank you for this great reminder of what is really important!
May God bless you as you continue to raise your children in a way that would honor Him.
Rosalie
Well, I was just pondering this same issue, so I made a list of "attainments" for my daughter. They are here: http://llljourney.blogspot.com/2010/03/list-of-attainments.html
I Love reading about your farm life...it inspires me :O)
Well, I do not have a home of my own, and am not even close to being married, but I thought I would share some thoughts. First of all, THANK YOU to all you wonderful Moms out there who are doing such a great job of raising your children in the Lord! I can't tell you how many times I have really appreciated my mother's training, mentoring, and friendship.
Ok, here is what I think on your post. I think it is good to learn all of the basic home-maker skills (ie: baking, cooking, sewing, cleaning, etc) However, learning all the other fun stuff, such as really getting down to providing for yourself like "pegging" your laundry -really loved that word, by the way-, drying your own herbs, spinning yarn, etc, is more of a fun type of thing, though still something to learn. Learning to spin yarn won't help your family survive if something should happen, but it is a good thing to learn so that you don't have to rely on the outside world as much. I make a lot of butter, drink our raw milk, spin, knit, crochet, etc. While those are all good things, for some people they aren't a necessity to life. I hope I am making sense!
I think you are doing a WONDERFUL job with your family. I have read lots of your posts, and your daughter's, Jenna, and some of your son's, Josh. I have really enjoyed it and have gleaned so much from you all! Keep up the good work of serving the Lord. He will direct your paths always.
God bless,
Sarah
PS Training them up in the Lord is the first step. I always just think that that is the way it is and forget to say it. However, I think you are doing a fine job of that already. :)
Sarah
I think the best thing you can pass to your daughters is a Biblical understanding of what womanhood is. Further if she is seeking to nurture the gifts God has given her... whatever they are... she will be happy. My one and only son, (12,) says he hopes to find a girl that 1. loves Christ 2. can cook 3. likes to hunt 4. loves football... I don't guess he gets it fully yet, do you? ;)
For us all those skills are more about building character and work ethic. It also builds a confidence that can transfer to learning whatever she may be lacking to be a helpmeet to the husband the Lord has chosen for her. Though I imagine that if she truly delights in these things, her husband will have similar likes. Birds of a feather and all. Many of these pursuits also serve to draw us closer to the Creator as we understand how He provides for us. It can also give us a greater understanding of His word as many portions of Scripture are agrarian.
Thanks for the food for thought!
If it is a movement, then we didn't know it 'til we had already done it....We've never been to homeschooling conventions. We've never been part of a homeschooling group. I've never been to anything by Vision Forum...(not that I wouldn't enjoy it) We are just living the life that the Lord laid out for our family, then a few years ago I got on the internet and said, "HEY!, We are NOT ALONE!!!" Because we don't know anyone like us. (well, didn't til these past few weeks anyway)
We have first and foremost taught our children to love the Lord and make him a daily part of their lives -- To listen to his voice and to do his will. As we daily walk out complete surrender to the Lord (albeit imperfect lots of days) we hope that they will also walk this way in adulthood. That means that the Lord is actually Lord, and he guides their every step and every decision.
I knew basically nothing about running a home when I got married. I had great grades, graduated with honors from college, but couldn't cook or clean worth anything. Put me in the business world -- marketing or sales -- and I was a whiz. Give me a broom and I was a bomb....
So not only do I believe the Lord has directed me to make sure my daughters are fully equipped in the home, but other areas as well. Computer, quickbooks, social occasions, whatever they need. So whether one marries a farmer, an executive, or a politician (Lord help us) I believe my job is for them to be able to slide right on into that new role. I want them as comfortable in the country club as they are in the barn. (I truly hope the country club isn't part of their life, but I have to be open to the Lord having a few things up his sleeve that I just don't understand) I want them capable of picking out a nice wardrobe to be fitting of an executive's wife if need be, though my heart is that they get to pull out a pattern and fabric from their stash and make a new dress. So I'm trying not to limit the Lord. And I'm trying to prepare my daughters that God just may not put them on a farm. It will be his decision! For several years now I've even prayed with the little girls that their heart will be open to God's will when the time comes.
So, that's sort of my take on it all. Hope it helps some!
I love reading everyone's comments!!
Blessings!
Linda in GA
Such great ideas are mentioned already. I would like to add teach your daughters to be comfortable with those who are suffering. Due to our son's illness our daughter is very comfortable around people with all sorts of disabilities. She LOVES to visit the elderly rather they have their mind still with them or not, and she is just as comfortable going on a hospital visit with her dad as she is going to the grocery store. There is so much ministry to be done for those who suffer, but too often we are too uncomfortable to be of any help. At our house we try to live by "if you see a need and you can fill then do so." BTW I think your family is lovely:)
Hello Dear Sister in Christ,
I have been thinking about all you have said and asked. My thoughts are this.
First and foremost young ladies should fear God for that is the beginning of wisdom,which would include loving God with all their heart, soul, mind and strength.That is something we teach by example and by making the word of God, and obedience to His word, (doers, not hearers only)the largest priority in ALL we do.
Next it would seem that by teaching them to be frugal, able to do with less, for lean times, to be strong yet gentle, kind, loving, to look to the needs of others,even esteeming others as better than themselves and to desire to help the needy,walking in humility and teachability, you would be heads and tails ahead of so many already today.
Teaching them the skills you are is absolutely wonderful. Learning to make things for the family is a lost skill, saves money and puts heart and soul into what they are doing for others.It is important to learn to be industrious,servant-minded, as well as diligent,teaching them to do all things as unto the Lord. Being an excellent manager of her time and space is really good too.These are all super to know!
I just tend to think if we teach them all the womanly skills mentioned though, without love, they will be of no use or appreciated. Young ladies today who are taught home making skills and raised to love and serve God with everything in them, and to love their neigbor as themselves, will be very well equipped and will they not be able, then, to love their husbands and be joyful helpmates, if first thing first have been taught??. God ultimately knows what they will need and who they will marry. Do what you and your husband feels is best and God will take care of the rest and I believe He will honor your genuine efforts!
The other thing is, in the world we live in today, our daughters may need to know how to grow their own food, make their own soap,candles,clothing and maybe run a home business too, to raise up livestock and live very simply, just to survive. We really don't know, but we can do the best we can to prepare them and help them to be able, should they need to. It teaches Godly character, which is foundational to all we/they do.
I hope this helps and doesn't seem to trite. (That is not my intention, there is so much to think about when it comes to raising and training our children) I adore your blog and thoughts! Please keep it up, you are a wonderful, Godly mother!
Doesn't it seem that we as people tend to complicate everything, when all God truly wants is our hearts and total devotion that we may walk in faith, trusting His ways and leading??
We too hope and pray for Godly spouses for our blessings/gifts from God!
In Christ,
Lydia
I think probably the other commentor's have said the same kind of thing I want to say. I think the most important thing of all is to teach your children what God's best is. Teach them to turn to the Word of God/prayer with God in EVERY situation, and to see the world from God's perspective rather than a selfish human perspective - which is very hard to teach in our world, I know. I might be fairly young compared with others commenting on here, but I have seen a lot in my short years, and I would encourage you to keep on as you have been. Teach your children all those old-fashioned skills (that's the only way to keep the good old ways alive!). I honestly believe there is nothing new under the sun like King Solomon says, and I also have noticed that what goes around comes around. Those old skills like spinning wool were very popular some years ago - but so was knitting... then it went out, and now I've noticed over the past years here in Australia that knitting has become vogue again... only most people wouldn't have a clue how to knit, so as adults they are having to learn, instead of knowing it from childhood. Those old skills are invaluable, and even if the world changes to the point of them being useless, just the LEARNING of so many varied things will help your children be able to learn other new skills easily. Technology does away with simple skills, and yet when technology fails, those with the simple skills are the ones who thrive the most - making those simple skills invaluable. I know a lot of people who don't know how to bake their own bread or cook without a microwave - what a sad thing! When the microwave breaks, how then do they cook nutritious meals? Young people are no longer equipped for reality in today's world, but the world is constantly changing and we never know what the future holds. Those basics will pull us through far better than technology will... And yet we must understand technology as well so we can handle everything life/God 'throws' at us. It is not easy to keep up with both the old and the new, but I think both have their value and their place.
Well...with some measure of trepidation, I guess I'll be the first guy to comment. =)
1. Do we guys "actually care about/value these practical life skills"? Yes and no. Every guy is going to be looking for a different set of skills in his future wife. And unless you have some sort of amazing prophetic insight (which mothers do seem to have more often than any other subset of our world population), you're not going to know exactly who Jenna, Grace, Abigail, Anna, Natalie, and Laura are going to marry at this point. So in the meantime, all of us can simply guess, prepare, and pray! (Of course, the more basic/universal the skill, the more likely it's going to be needed in the future, no matter who your daughters marry or what your sons end up doing.)
2. But in a larger sense, I think the "skills question" is somewhat beside the point because in the long run, it's not so much what one knows that matters, so much as whether one is willing to learn, love, and serve.
I'm not trying to discount the value of education or practical skills because I think both are terribly important (and I think your family has been doing a great job in that area), but if you were an employer, who would you rather hire----someone who's honest, respectful, easy to get along with, hardworking, and willing to learn, or someone who knows everything . . . and will do nothing for you?
So in a larger sense, almost any task is, or at least can be, a worthwhile exercise so long as it helps to build character the right sort of relationships with family, other people, and God. That's the important point----not the actual skill which is (or is not) learned.
So what if Josh never milks another goat after he turns 21? So what if Jenna never [fill in the blank] after she [fill in the blank]? Ten, twenty years later, do you really think they are going to regret the time they spent with each other on those activities? I think not. (And if they are, shame on them. That's their problem. As you can tell, I feel very gracious today...)
3. But to answer your question on a more personal note, there is one thing I am looking for in any potential future spouse, and it doesn't have anything to do with skills.
Yikes. 11:18 a.m. already. Hope you have a blessed day!
Re-read my comment and didn't like how I worded the following: "So in the meantime, all of us can simply guess, prepare, and pray!"
1. "Us" refers to young people who are prepping for the future.
2. "Guess" refers to guessing what skills we will need in the future, not guessing who we will marry.
Talk about clumsy wording... =) At least it wasn't as confusing as this gem which I rattled off for a LWIII assignment: "In this sense, the words itself which an advocate speaks constitute the most important mode of persuasion available to him in the legal context because technically speaking, a strong argument based on the facts of the case and the relevant law should compel an objective judge or jury to decide in one's favor." Nasty. =)
Dear Kathy:
I love the new look of your blog! Your home is gorgeous!
Congratulations to Elliot for being the first male to comment - I'm proud of you! ;-)
I asked two of my boys what they thought about your post. (My oldest, 18, is not home right now.) My 16 yr. old thought those skills were all very valuable, as the young lady would save her husband money and be staying at home. She could even sell some of her soaps, candles or veggies from home, to help supplement her husband's income. My son said to make sure these things were not all consuming, i.e. an idol of sorts, and that she was truly able to defend her faith and help train up her children KNOWing and LIVing the Word of God.
My 13 yr. old son didn't really see a lot of benefit in these skills, except for the gardening. He said his future wife could do those things or not. What really mattered was if she loves the Lord and has a strong relationship with Him, and that she has the fruits of the Spirit. Maybe learning some of these skills would help develop these fruits.
You have some amazing comments already, so I'll leave it to the others for the rest.
God bless!
Maellen
Wow! Great question. And after reading all the responses, think they've about covered it. Not much more I could add. Only three things I'd like to add as a highlight....
1) One of the main goals of my mission at Homestead Revival is to educate the next generation in homesteading skills. That's a very broad topic indeed. And we won't get it all in before they leave the nest. To foster a desire to continue learning these things and develop a relationship with your daughter that will draw them back to you as a viable resource for these skills would be a blessed thing. They will learn much as they continue to grow; I know I'm still learning and I've been married 25 years!
2) I recently heard from the mother of one of my blog followers. The young lady has been married about 3 years and is just now learning some homemaking skills. Her husband is thrilled and excited! If it came without the godly spirit she manifests, no home keeping skills could make up for the deficit, but for the believer, it is icing on the cake. And it may be more than a novel skill to have in the future!
3) Liz in CA mentioned the management side of things. My 17 year old daughter can clean house like a pro, bake bread better than her mom, and cook a fantastic meal. But I have noticed in the last year that the management side is tough - especially while trying to do school (and pull an excellent GPA). I'm having to help her know when she is doing too much, when to rest, etc. We can put too much on our young ladies if we are not careful. Therefore we are seriously considering a year off of school (with the exception of maybe a couple of on-line courses) in order to gain some other skills that may be needed: working for an employer, managing an entire day of the household, etc.
Am I repeating what has already been said? I hope not, but this is such a good question. Thanks for posing it for us to respond to. I have gleaned a lot of good thoughts to consider.
I know you have many comments but encouragement is good. I hope to have my daughters trained to do many of the skills you mentioned. I found that my childhood and teen years where wasted on foolish thinks and self serving activities. Now as and adult of 35 with five children I am a master of no skills. Just survival and trying to gain these skills as I go so that my family can benefit from the fruit. I would love to be more advanced in useful handy crafts as well as meeting my families needs with clothing and have a grasp on healthy living. We long for living off the land God has provided. It is satisfying as well as practical. Being a good steward is important to us and should be for all God fearing folks. Be encouraged to keep on!
I don't have time to read all the comments, so please forgive me if this was already covered.
Like Liz, I too was trained to do all the basics around the house, cleaning (with harsh chemicals), cooking (with processed foods), laundry (with harsh chemicals), budgeting (and take out lots of loans), shopping with coupons (for things I didn't need), and to do all this while having a full-time job. I have had to relearn EVERYTHING about being a homemaker, mother, and wife. I am still on this journey of learning to be a full time homemaker, but I have come such a long way from where I was when I started.
The one thing that was absolutely the hardest thing for me to learn was how to be a good wife to my husband. I watched my mother go through two marriages while I was in the home and a third after I went to college. I obviously didn't have a good example of how to be married! By Gods grace, I have had to learn this all on the fly. All the skills in the world don't matter unless you understand and are committed to the level of dedication and devotion that it will take to have a happy, fulfilling marriage.
The best thing you can teach your children is that marriage is wonderful, but isn't always perfect. Teach them that commitment to the marriage, and most importantly, commitment to God’s purpose for your life, can carry them through seemingly unsolvable problems. By example and conversations, show them how important dedication and determination to the marriage and their spouse is. Teach them that once they are married, their greatest and most important ministry is their marriage.
Most importantly, I have witnessed so many marriages fail and the thing that is the downfall of all of them is in selfishness. In the end, one or both spouses aren't committed to serving one another or God; they are in it for themselves. "How can he make me feel good about myself?" "How can she make my life easier?" These are good questions but you need to ask them of yourself. "How can I make her feel good about herself?" "How can I make his life easier?" "Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country." - JFK. These are profound words. Ask not what your husband/wife can do for you, but what you can do for your husband/wife. If you can teach them to do this all else will fall in place.
I think the best way to prepare our daughters for being keepers at home is to SHOW them. Our own example and attitude towards our sacred calling spills over into them. It is a glorious calling and we need to show that we believe that! I think, for boys, even though I only have 3 boys, that just seeing mom and sisters at work, baking break, hanging clothes, tending babies, etc...simply speaks for itself. The joy spills over into them too. In my opinion anyway.
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