With a certain frequency, we discuss the issue of modesty in our home. We've been on a journey over the years, and we've recently been asked what it means in our home, so naturally, we began reviewing where the Lord has brought us.
When I first became a Christian, the well-meaning group of believers I was in fellowship with introduced me to the idea of dressing modestly. Unfortunately, what began as a good thing was actually based on conforming to an outward dress code instead of an inward conviction of the heart.
Over time, trying to conform to man's standard got wearisome and what should have been based on conviction was, in reality, based on preference. And naturally, preferences can change. Preferences don't weather the storm. Preferences fluctuate. Preferences are unreliable, flexible, situational and circumstantial.
I began to wonder about my own conviction of modesty, and what really should define how I dress. At the same time, I was trying to raise three daughters (now six daughters) and knew I wanted to influence them with TRUTH, not just preferences. My oldest daughter at the time was very prone to taking my legalism and imitating it to the extreme. That in itself, could be a good thing, IF I was 100 % pure in my motives, which I knew I wasn't. All of these things the Lord was weaving together to show us His truth: Modesty is a matter of the heart.
It so happened, at that time, we spent a "girl's overnight" in a small town dominated by Amish. I love the Amish. I love their ways. I admire so much about their way of life, and I honestly admire their willingness to conform to an agreed upon standard of dress for the good of their members. Now, I'm not saying that is necessary, and I'm not trying to evaluate their hearts...I'm just saying I admire their committment to it.
This is how tender-hearted God is with us: as I had been trying to explain to my very legalistic-but-trying-to do-the-right-thing-and-please-God daughter, that dresses are not necessary to be modest, we entered an Amish bakery. You cannot believe what we saw! There at the register was a very pretty Amish girl (16-18?), dressed in the typical style of dress, only it was white and SEE-THROUGH!!! I couldn't believe it! I also couldn't help staring~just a bit~all her undergarments were completely visable, no questions to ask, nothing left to imagine.
This story is worth re-telling, not as an indictment on the Amish, but as an example of one young lady, conforming (loosely) on the outside, but CLEARLY not having a heart of modesty. I truly believe God used that illustration that day, and many since, to remind us and cement for us that the article of clothing does not define modesty, but the heart of the woman, as she longs to please God, and Him alone, defines what is a truly modest woman.
22 comments:
Great reminder. Thanks for sharing:) Modesty is a journey. I shudder to think about how I used to dress before I was a Christian or even 10 years ago when I first became a Christian. God is so good to help me continually evaluate my outward expression of a modest heart.
Excellent post! My modesty journey started out quite similar. It was not in the heart and it was from fear. I was afraid God would punish me somehow if I didn't not dress modest. I was in bondage. BUT, as I laid my headcovering aside and really listened to God, I realized that He wanted me to dress in skirts out of modesty and showed me that it came first from the heart. The headcovering (for me) wasn't necessary anymore and from that experience He knew He had my obedience. Modesty starts in the heart and is done out of love, not fear, and shows itself on the body and the tongue. :)
Wow - that makes me think!!!
I do try to be modest FROM THE HEART though - you can watch my blog for a post coming on that soon!! :)
Such a wonderful post! I'm passing it onto my two grown daughters who are seeking to raise modest daughters and I know they will appreciate your thoughts. I too love the Amish but know that the legalism can be outward and harbor bitterness in the heart.
Blessings to you and yours.
Noreen
When I was younger, I dressed modestly not only because Mom and Dad wanted me to, but also because I believed it was right to dress modestly. It was only when I got a little older however, that I began learning that modesty was not just for outward appearance but of the heart. I can dress modestly, but if I act loud and flirtatious, dressing modestly does almost no good!
Great post Mrs. Regan.
God Bless,
Kelsey
Dear Kathy,
Oh dear friend, this is an issue that has been so close to my heart.
When I decided to dress modestly, it was my decision and God was not in the picture. It took awhile, but I realized that my heart was not in accordance with what I was doing.
The Lord is so gracious! He showed me - I was not doing it for my love for HIM but for my love to self and the attention I was receiving.
Now, my journey into a modesty comes from me completely surrendering to HIM!
Thank you dear friend for sharing this post.
Blessings,
Maria
Thank you so much for this. Modesty and the impact of modesty on my girls has been in my heart for the past year. Blessings Catherine
What a sweet post from your heart. I love to hear about your Mother/dtr talks. They are precious aren't they~
We have amish nearby too and I enjoy them and admire them as well. My oldest dtr once asked me if she could be amish, just for a year :-)
Hugs~ Cinnamon
So very well stated My Sister~
You have a wonderful and Godly day!
Blessings~
Carrie
I too am re-thinking the whole modesty thing!! With 9 daughters I get a challenge often enough to teach them. As of late we have been trying to make our own clothes for the 5 younger girls. And that itself is a challenge since I am a very new seamstress!!
Our family ( conservative Bible believing {Baptists - if you need a title}) lived in Holmes County Ohio for 7 years. What we saw was definitely outward conformity to a church standard. If they were given their heart about the matter - things would be drastically different. There were many we knew that left the Amish and went "wild" or at best to much more liberal churches. My daughters were apalled. We are supposed to be the "worldly" ones, but it was obvious that they had no heart convictions, nor were they based on the Bible. I am not condemning them, as some really love the church and it's standards and some just see it as something to bear with, since, after all - that is what the church says.
Yes, we too saw thin, revealing material, straight tight skirts, sleeves way too big and floppy that gave too much "view" and sleeves rolled up high like a biker. One thing is for sure, mens hearts are desperately wicked and it matters not the country, culture or "religion" of the people. Jesus must be the heart of all we do.
This is such a refreshing blog post about modesty. Have you any book recommendations for young girls (other than the bible)discussing and viewing the subject of modesty in the way you suggest. I have a seven year old who desperately just wants to fit in.
Nice post Kath - concise, to the point and laid out in a very understandable manner. You should be a writing teacher. Oh wait! You are! You're a homeschool mom! Seriously though, I did enjoy your sharing on this matter.
So well said and can I ever relate to your journey. I agree completely, modesty is from the heart as well.
God bless,
Anne
AMEN!!!
-Megan
Mrs. Regan,
I really appreciated this post. This is an issue that's close to my heart, and I am so thankful to see it addressed in such a Godly fashion.
May I have a God-honoring heart that reflects on the outside!
SOLI DEO GLORIA!
-Kyrie<><
Amen! Excellent post!
I have always been uncomfortable with anything other than modest clothing... regardless what any man {or other person} thinks or wants. It makes me sad how some women believe they have to dress. I always try to follow God's Word rather than the world's ideas on how to dress. {It's easier to follow God's dressing room etiquette anyway!}
♥
Beyond excellent! Having 2 girls (22 & 19), this has been a long-standing discussion in our home. For the most-part it has been effective & successful. Over the last couple of years, as our oldest daughter has been working 'in the world' & making new 'work' friends, the issue of (im)modestly has tried to rear it's ugly head.
It's HARD when you see your grown children heading toward a mistake, but I am blessed beyond measure that my girls & I have a great relationship where we can REALLY talk to each other. Not wanting to make everything an arguement...a suggestion here...a call to 'really look' in the mirror there...& I can see - w/o either of us saying that we've noticed - that things come back around. No more 'experimenting' w/a slightly too low top...suddenly it has a cute tank top underneath...little things like that show that she's listening w/o the dreaded "I told you so."
The LORD is SO good!
Blessings from Ohio...Kim<><
Kathy, I hope you don't get tired of my comments! I have three daughters of my own and this is obviously big talk at our house, too! While one daughter is extremely conservative to the point of legalism, another is too far to the other extreme for my comfort and convictions however, she must conform as long as she lives under this roof! (Interesting that this same child is quick to point out immodesty in others!). Thus, our need to do the same and address the HEART issue. I've had many a conversation with my girls that it's not only what you wear, but how you wear it and how YOU CARRY YOUR BODY! I don't mean to make them self-conscious, but sometimes a child will need this issue pointed out. I' once saw a young lady in our church (out shopping at the mall) who wore ankle length skirts and a head covering, but had her hands all over a young man she was "dating". Sadly, she missed the heart of the issue and even the unbelievers could see it! Her modest clothing revealed her outward commitment, but her actions told another story.
Thanks for such a great post!
I REALLY appreciate this post. I grew up and live in a community that is hard to explain to people. We have three Holdeman Mennonite churches (old order) one Mennonite Brethern church and an Alliance Church. This is all from a 500 person town ten minutes away from where we lived and the town in which I went to school. All the churches are packed out on Sunday and we are just a conservative sort. It is hard to explain and especially with so many holdeman mennonite friends I've struggled with very similar issues as you referred to on this post.
Thanks for the reminder about how modesty should be a conviction in our own hearts, not something we should feel from our peers.
This is such a refreshing and wonderful post! Modesty does have to be a conviction of the heart. We have three boys and I have actually had a talk about this with them! One day they will be choosing a wife...haha...and I just want them to be prepared. It is about your heart and how you carry yourself, as well as the clothing:). I don't necessarily think we have to be in bondage over a particular style...there really are so many lovely options out there!! Thank you for your wonderful insight!
Warmly,
Julia
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